We
love our fathers so much even though they have weaknesses that they
need to overcome. Everyone has a room for improvement and at times we
commit mistakes that we don’t need intend to do or we intend to make.
Like our fathers they have things that they are doing that they feel are
right, but these are the common mistakes that they should learn from.
There are actually negative impacts of them to their children. According
to those people who have experienced firsthand these things, they have
felt distanced from their own fathers. Learning these faults would guide
new fathers, and those who are trying to be good fathers. This coming
Father’s Day let’s share these mistakes so they can be corrected and
they cannot be passed on from one generation or from family to family.
These are actually shared by Wayne Parker at About.com.
10. Comparing your kids with others
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This
is one of the hurtful comments that a child normally hears from a
father or parents. Intentionally or unintentionally, it leaves hurtful
mark to a son or daughter having a feeling that he or she is worthless
and unwanted. If you want your child to behave the way you wanted it
too. Say it in a manner that you don’t need to point out that this
person is better than he or she does. Your child don’t need to hear
praises to other kids, but what they want is your understanding and
support that he or she can change without coercing them to do them by
using other people as examples, but do not appear as examples at all
that they have to follow. In addition, one of the observations that
Wayne Parker observed is comparisons among siblings as to who excels in
specific field. As he suggested try to see them as unique individuals
and not on the things that cannot meet.
9. Monologue or Lecturing
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Much
of the time the father’s motive is to help his children learn from
their mistakes. Correcting them by telling them one by one all their
setbacks would not help at all. As much as you wanted them to understand
the way you see things they can’t see it nor understand them in the
near future. Of course, all bad behavior and choices must be corrected,
but there’s a proper way. Next time you sit with your child, ensure that
you ask questions, and listen more. Try to understand first why the
child had done this and that. After listening and seeing all angles,
then help the child understand the principle why the specific choice was
not right. This is the best teaching moment that you can give where
understanding and love reign thereafter.
8. Guilt Trips
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Telling
your kids that you have sacrificed a lot for them so they can have the
best of education and comfortable life would not help at all. Repeating
the same lines or same thought would not teach any valuable lesson to
them, but what you inculcate to them is that they have to do this
because you have done everything you could. When you see mistake correct
them right away, if necessary give punishment, instead of putting
excessive guilt trips, which are not really effective at all in
disciplining them.
7. Not Firm in Decisions
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There
are fathers because of their love towards their children, they are
afraid to give punishment even if the mistakes committed are in extremes
and have been done repeatedly. Once you’ve made rules and decisions,
you have to follow them. Later on, if you keep on bending the rules that
you have set to them, they will later on disregard it. They would think
that your heart would be softened later on since you have shown it from
the very beginning.
6. Not Uniform With Spouse’s Decision
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This
is not just a mistake of a father, but both parents. Before you
implement or give specific punishment, make sure that both of you have
agreed on it before hand. If you have not yet talked about it, be sure
that you have an open communication. It will create confusion to your
kids. They would not know who to follow if its father’s rules or
mothers’. In patriarchal family, father must have the final word, this
would result not just confusion, it would even destroy credibility of
one parent when it comes to disciplinary action that must be implemented
at home. As a father, you have the responsibility to talk everything’s
out to your spouse in a private room so both of you are coherent and in
harmony.
5. Unfair Penalties
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At
times, fathers because of emotional outburst if there are things that
they done which do not see to be big mistakes, but do not meet your
expectations, you tend to give punishment which is not just at all to
your kids. There are common mistakes that are obviously wrong, that
deserve punishment, but don’t give punishment just because you are not
in the mood or you are trying to vent out your frustration to something
which was not fault at all by your kids. Be considerate and hold your
temper instead of giving unrelated punishment to wrong which was not
really wrong at all.
4. Bribery to Behave
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This
is actually common. Although mothers are the ones who usually give
bribe to kids especially if they are not behaving the way that they
should be. Fathers also give bribe in order for them to follow their
rules. Giving instant rewards in exchange of something like doing their
assignment or whatnot does not teach a child a principle that they need
to follow or obey certain rules because that would make them better. If
you would inculcate to them the reasons and explaining the why’s they
will follow without giving prices in each thing that they do.
3. Inconsistency in Giving Disciplines
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Once
you give rules at home, you should stick to it. Just like one of the
mistakes mentioned on this list, you should not bend it. The next time
you find yourself in a situation that you caught your daughter or son
doing the same mistake, impose, and implement the consequence that you
have stated so they will learn from it and they will not do it again.
2. Physical Punishment
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This
one of the common punishments being given by fathers. In fact, they are
known as authoritative and bold compared to mothers that are
soft-hearted, which is totally understandable. Mothers have soft spot to
their children since they are the one who carried them to their wombs
for 9 months. It does not mean that fathers do not have a soft spot in
their heart in giving punishment, but excessive physical discipline that
at times becomes physical torture would create anguish, anger, and
distance to your kids. There are situations that you can do it, but not
too often. Later on, they would not be afraid at all to commit mistakes
because they become used to it.
1. No Temper
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It
is really tempting to lose temper to kids especially if it becomes
habitual. However, don’t give punishment if you are angry. You may
commit mistakes that you would regret for the rest of your life. There
are things that we can’t control especially if we are at the peak of our
emotion. In fact, you could even curse your kid, shout at them
unintentionally and even physically beat or spank them. It’s wise that
you go out in the situation, take a deep breath, and relax. Cool
yourself down until you feel that you can think and speak calmly.
Children will not respond the way you want them to, but if they will
it’s all because of fear instead of obeying because they respect you.
